The Deal

Here's the deal...I am new at this. I am ready for my life and it's purpose. I mean I know my children are my purpose and my LIFE. But what I mean is ME. What am I doing with MY life. I feel a calling. I know am meant for something BIG. There is a fire in me and it want's to burn bright and for everyone to feel it's warmth. So enough with the metaphors.

I wanted to document my journey. A way to look back when I am older and (hopefully) wiser to show how I have grown in my faith. (I have MANY dreams for this little blog!)

I have some fears about being close to God. I kinda feel like I am on the bleachers, interested, faithful, but WATCHING God work. I am ready to step down there into the arena. BUT here it is. I am afraid that when I do that I will be tested! I will be given things to deal with (that I know I will handle through him) but scary, hard things. I was thinking that this is what I am most afraid of! I know I am blessed. But the good goes with the bad. Right? I certainly know that.
I fear that all of the godly people I want surrounding me will see me at my worst and go away.
I fear that I will blame God when bad things happen and not get over it.
I fear that my circumstances will stop me from being my best.
I fear that I will not remember things, (I have a TERRIBLE memory) people's prayer requests. People that have shared with me their hardships, and I don't remember to ask the next time that I see them.
I fear that cynicism will reign and take hold of me when I don't feel life is going my way.

So the opposite of fear is.......courage. I have googled it and it is FAITH. Okay.
So I am a little bit like the Lion from The Wizard of Oz. The first time we meet him he is so ferocious and talks some big talk and then we find out he insn't so tough. I know, like the lion that I have had it all along. I need to use it. So I like using faith, it is easier.
I have faith that I can tackle my problems, my circumstances.
I have faith that people are good.
I have faith that God will show me the way.
I have faith.

I am ready to be a warrior for God. Cheesy. Yes. But that is how I like to put in in perspective. I am a warrior. I need to step up and I need to fight against these fears. I am stronger that I was yesterday and it is only going to get better.....