Goals

I have never been a goal setter. Maybe I should have been and I would not have an office in the closet. BUT, I have some goals now. Here they are for the first time written down and thrown into the universe.

#1 Grow a business by branding myself. There is no one like me. I can use that to my advantage.

#2 Be able to pay for our debt and wipe it out in a year. To do this would be an absolute miracle. I believe in them so there.

#2 I will be a director by April. I will bring people to my team. I will help them grow.

Right now I will do this out of my closet. One day I WILL have an office. My office.

If you knew where we have been. Where we come from. How much different our life was, you would understand how big Sunday, September 19 was for my family.

I always wanted to be baptized. I remember touring baptismals when I was very young. The pastor would walk me through everything I would have to do and I would get cold feet. I never really got it. I still did not think I got it, even at 34. But I realized it was simple. I believe in Jesus. I follow Jesus. My life has been changed by Jesus. Now it was time to tell everyone else. There. I realized I did not have to be perfect and no one was going to judge me.

Shane and I have been through our fair share of difficult times. But yesterday he stood right beside me as Brian and Beth baptized us. I never would have dreamed that would have EVER happened. It was almost bigger than our wedding day. Just different. We never talked about God or church when we were first married. It was something that was not a part of us. With all we endured we could have used a minute with the bible.

Here we are. Ready. Willing. Able.

Bonus

I was told that coming to church was not for ME it is for GOD. And if you walk away and feel filled up and feel like you are on top of the world...those days are bonuses.
Today was a bonus. I do tend to have many of them. Today the message was about 4 steps you must have on your spiritual journey.

1.Come as you are
2.Experience of  Grace....see my previous blog, my "moments" are experiences of GRACE!
3.A friend that takes a risk
4. TRANSFORMATION....see my previous blog...that was the title!

Do you see it? See my moment of grace TODAY? HELLO! Bonus!
I really like a list of things to check off. Luckily my Pastor likes to make 'em. I had been feeling recently that things were not progressing. I want everything NOW, NOW, NOW! I felt stagnant like maybe I was not supposed to be a Christ follower. I felt like I was not feeling God or seeing him in my life. I felt hopeless and conflicted. But today I learned that I can check off 3! And the 4th well that is a constant.

I give up on things.....if they are hard I will do it, give up. I think maybe I was going to give up on my new life. It is hard. It is hard to live as an example. Me? An example for others to learn from? Impossible....today I learned not to fast! (Nothing is impossible.)I will give in when life gets too hard. I will give up when people are people and let me down. Not anymore. It is not just me anymore. When I am weak, he is strong.

I will continue to walk in grace. I know that I am worthy of it.

Transformation

I don't have a day. A day where I accepted Jesus and my world changed. Other people have these explosive feelings on the day they accept Jesus.
I do have moments. Moments when it is all I can do to not scream and carry on about  the way I am feeling. I feel his presence. Where I read my bible and the butterflies come....
I am ready for the moments.
I have changed. I can feel my judgement slipping away. Negative is not a word I would use to describe myself anymore. I can feel the girl I was slipping away. I am okay with that.

Greater things have yet to come.

Cats

Nicholas told us tonight that cats purr when they are happy. I thought, WHAT? I never told him that? Wow! I just always thought he knew that about cats. He still needs his Mama to tell him the little things. I assumed he knows this stuff. I like being reminded that he is still my little boy and has so much to learn.

The Deal

Here's the deal...I am new at this. I am ready for my life and it's purpose. I mean I know my children are my purpose and my LIFE. But what I mean is ME. What am I doing with MY life. I feel a calling. I know am meant for something BIG. There is a fire in me and it want's to burn bright and for everyone to feel it's warmth. So enough with the metaphors.

I wanted to document my journey. A way to look back when I am older and (hopefully) wiser to show how I have grown in my faith. (I have MANY dreams for this little blog!)

I have some fears about being close to God. I kinda feel like I am on the bleachers, interested, faithful, but WATCHING God work. I am ready to step down there into the arena. BUT here it is. I am afraid that when I do that I will be tested! I will be given things to deal with (that I know I will handle through him) but scary, hard things. I was thinking that this is what I am most afraid of! I know I am blessed. But the good goes with the bad. Right? I certainly know that.
I fear that all of the godly people I want surrounding me will see me at my worst and go away.
I fear that I will blame God when bad things happen and not get over it.
I fear that my circumstances will stop me from being my best.
I fear that I will not remember things, (I have a TERRIBLE memory) people's prayer requests. People that have shared with me their hardships, and I don't remember to ask the next time that I see them.
I fear that cynicism will reign and take hold of me when I don't feel life is going my way.

So the opposite of fear is.......courage. I have googled it and it is FAITH. Okay.
So I am a little bit like the Lion from The Wizard of Oz. The first time we meet him he is so ferocious and talks some big talk and then we find out he insn't so tough. I know, like the lion that I have had it all along. I need to use it. So I like using faith, it is easier.
I have faith that I can tackle my problems, my circumstances.
I have faith that people are good.
I have faith that God will show me the way.
I have faith.

I am ready to be a warrior for God. Cheesy. Yes. But that is how I like to put in in perspective. I am a warrior. I need to step up and I need to fight against these fears. I am stronger that I was yesterday and it is only going to get better.....

Bubbles

My Jo said "bubble" today! I was a bit worried that she may be delayed. I mean if she is it's okay I can handle it. But I sure would like to not have to drill words with her like I did her brother and sister. Her language has exploded this past week. She understands so much.
Tonight I had to laugh because I am THAT Mom! I am the Mom who asked the lady at the register to scan my baby's item as she holds it! Yep, I was not going to take Josie's item from her and put it with our other things! She would get upset. For the record I was NEVER that lady. I do sometimes wish Nicholas and Haley could have had THIS lady. The wiser Mom. The Mom who dotes.